dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Welp...herpes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
