don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
