I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize