Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
