I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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