The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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