Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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