after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
