Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just cropdusted the office
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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