Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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