cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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