Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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