She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
