TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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