Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
