Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
