Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
