There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
