Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
