Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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