I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
