One girl and one boy is just not enough.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
