I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
