Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
