To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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