my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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