True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
