I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
