and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
