It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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