Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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