for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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