i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
