He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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