Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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