I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
