Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
