areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think my fart just growled at me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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