Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize