Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dick very happy bro
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
