I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
