i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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