this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
