sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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