I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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