ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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