census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
