I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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