oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
