Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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