in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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