PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
