Who wears a wallet chain?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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