What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
