i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
