i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
