He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
