like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
