The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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