I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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