the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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