Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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