Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
