how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
