DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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