That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
