you're like a bully in the Christmas story
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize