well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
