he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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