Ambien. No doubt about it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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