you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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