im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
