i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
