I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She's the barista slut.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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