I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
