porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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