I haven't been this sober since birth.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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