i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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