She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
