you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i believe in u and ur pee
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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